Wednesday, February 07, 2007

German Tandempartners, German Erasmus or Simply... Germans in Lissabon

They hate McDonald’s, hate shopping centers and only enjoy natural food and vegetarianism. In accordance to this, all of them were junkies or had alcoholic problems in the past.

One hundred percent of them complain that (i) there are too many cars in Lisbon and (ii) there are too few bikes in Lisbon.

They have always an elective affinity back in Germany, who visits them every other weekend.

They claim and complain that there is a lot of poverty in Lisbon when they have very low social science skills, and they complain that there is too much sophistication, modernization, mechanization, automation otherwise. In coherence with this, they all love techno music and adore Lux, the most sophisticated night club in town.

They claim they can’t find good vegetarian and one hundred percent natural food stores, restaurants and canteens while they state with no supporting argument that they don’t enjoy eating at the universitarian canteens in Lisbon, most of which by the way offer every lunch and dinner time one meat meal, one fish meal and one macrobiotic meal, each of them for less than 2 euros (soup, bread, juice and fruit or yogurt or candy included).

Germans end up having and enjoying a over roasted steak because they cannot stand looking at the all natural “squid with ink” in their dish because it seems it is still alive (which is almost true, as the restaurant is located just in front of the clean sea from which the squid was caught, which is really cooked in a one hundred percent natural and healthy way...).

They end up claiming that the all natural squid is “too natural” for them.

They say they love Portuguese music and so they buy the kind of Portuguese music that either (i) Portuguese people do not buy, listen to and like or (ii) is solely made to be bought by tourists that have the shallowest knowledge about Portuguese music. By the way: only the first three cds of Madredeus are worthwhile, the rest of their catalogue is just a boring repetition of their own work for the tourist and Japanese markets; Lisboners don’t listen to Fado, they listen to rock, Robbie Williams and Shakira.

Most of the Germans in Lisbon fell for the city when they saw Wim WendersLisbon Story. Incidentally, this picture, with bad actors and extremely boring and empty plot, portrays a partial and anachronic view of the city. Two things worth to be noted: it is true that Lisboners speak a better English than, say Berliners; not a single one of those beautiful little houses in Alfama has central heating and many of their bedrooms don’t even have a window.

The only thing one can do with Fernando Pessoa is to read him (or read… them). And Fernando Pessoa will not be found in the little streets of Lisbon, nor in Baixa, not in the cafés, not certainly in the new boulevards, never in Bairro Alto (even though one can often see a graffito portraying him in some dirty wall there). The only place where Fernando Pessoa can REALLY be found is… (be surprised…) ... in books and the internet.


Ricemagic informs the beloved readers that Lisboa is most certainly in the European capital cities top of: number of McDonald’s restaurants, number of very big shopping centers within the city area, cars parked on the sidewalks, few bikes used as an utility object, number of extremely slopped streets, number of free beds and shelters for homeless people, number of prepaid things one can buy, number of selling services without a human seller, number of nice vegetarian or macrobiotic or “oriental” restaurants per capita (and this even without counting the Chinese restaurants!), number of canteens offering meat and fish and macrobiotic main courses every lunch and dinner times.


Post scriptum: all German boys like the bottoms of Portuguese girls because they are bigger and all German girls dress like boys from the 80s.

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